I know I've spoken about it at length, but I just want to make sure you really understand what I am saying. My knee being a bit rubbish is actually a MASSIVE issue for me. Anything that affects the ability to move comfortably and capably is critical to our wellbeing. Having that taken away, even if only temporarily, is a huge challenge. The threat of having it as an ongoing, potentially lifelong issue is consuming me.
I am conscious of wallowing a little too much in the moment, like, it's just a knee right? Everyone has had a knee problem at one point or another. Old mate dislocated his last year, some chick had a reconstruction, your mum had a replacement. I get it. It's a common, regular kind of thing to happen. Oh, you've got a shit knee? Yeah, you and so many others. That's okay, i know my drama is not necessarily your drama. But, it's all relative. My point, overall, is that it is BIG for me to deal with.
I live in concern. For my future, my lifestyle, my work performance, my involvement with children, my holidays, my knee, my knee, my knee. And all of my decisions at the moment are focused on getting the weight off my knee, releasing this pressure and getting back up to speed as quickly as I can. Which is great, yes, absolutely. This issue with my knee is the focus I needed to make some really significant changes to my life to ensure I limit progression of the arthritis and the eventual replacement I may need.
I came to realise that I am currently living in fear. Fear of a knee replacement. Fear of pain. Fear of having a disability. Fear of being unable to live the life I want. Endlessly fearing my possible future and doing everything i can to run away from those outcomes, bolting in the opposite direction. This fear will drive me to a positive consequence. This fear will lift me out of my obesity and into a world of increased health.
Why, do you think, has it taken this BIG (remember, in my eyes) moment in my life to spur me into action? Why, after 34 years of life has it finally clicked that life may be terrible if I don't get it together? Why, or bloody why, does it take an act of FEAR in my life to focus my attention on my poor, suffering, overworked body?
And why did I not respond to any positive incentives that have been there all along when I looked at the positive notions of losing weight and focusing on my health?
Imagine the clothes I could have in my cupboard! Meh.
Imagine the feeling of wellness I will feel when I stop eating crap! Meh.
Imagine how strong and confident I feel when I am thinner! Meh. If i can't be confident as I am, then I am not worth anything.
Imagine how attractive others would find you. Who cares.
You know where positive reinforcement does work? Everywhere else. I get my hair coloured because I enjoy my own reflection more when my hair colour is fresh. I spend time with my children because it brings me joy, in sharing moments, watching them, laughing with them, and in hearing their voices. I cuddle my husband because I adore his touch. I work hard because I like to be respected at work. I love seeing my friends because it replenishes my soul.
But here are the things I didn't say:
I exercise because it makes me feel good.
I love the way my body works when I eat well.
Making good choices for my body makes me happy, inside and out.
Moving my body everyday lets me wear wonderful clothes.
My confidence comes from the knowledge of my true beauty and value both inside and out.
I'm not talking about creating mantras and deliberately focusing on them and using the amazing power of mind to achieve great things. I'm talking about the basics of just knowing the truth in some things or not. Example: I religiously apply sunscreen when spending time in the sun to prevent sunburn on my fair skin. It is good for me to do this, so I do it every time without fail. I wonder if I could apply that same simple logic to eating?
Some people to inherently understand whats good for them, and they follow that positive incentive to the tee, almost without trying. And others, like me, seem to have missed that critical part of life's understanding. Those of us who are more focused on the joy found in [insert muse here], ultimately to our own detriment.
And the way I see it, this poses a massive problem for long term health. If your health journey, like mine, has bounced from crisis to crisis, with a fear-inducing issue creating the motivation required...until it is somewhat resolved...the fear will eventually dissipate, leaving you without drive. Leaving you back at the beginning, in which case you are at risk of recommencing your original behaviours which will take you back to where you started.
Because if you don't have a belief in the positive truths of health, you won't keep making choices to support your health. You will not choose to move your body everyday because it feels good, you had only chosen that because you were forced to move by fear of a terrible outcome. Now that terrible outcome risk has lessoned with the changes you made, you are no longer forced into health. In fact, you now have freedom, a release from that fear. FREEDOM. What would you do with your new found freedom from fear? Continue living in that same manner? Or let loose? Here we go again.
Jeez, that's negative. And sad.
So how do we break the cycle? I actually don't know. Seriously, no idea! I'm only just discovering this as a concept, I certainly haven't figured out all the answers yet!
But i can tell you something. The more positive experiences we have, the more we learn to associate that positivity with relevant behaviours, and desire those behaviours to eventuate the desired result. So if you allow yourself to enjoy the improvements, enjoy the health, focus on those new attributes of your life you like as a result of the choices you are making, the more likely you are to stay with that path.
So I am going to yet again amend my focus, from what I don't want to happen to what I do want to happen. And for me, I want to have longevity in my joints, strength in my muscles, continuous rhythm in my heartbeats and elasticity in my lungs. The rest comes from there.
Happy to hear your suggestions! Go!
LG - Life's Great!
