No Regrets, Just Offense

The bold me...

I have been known to say some horrendous things in my day. Back in my fundamental era I once told my (non-christian) best friend that I normally would have thought that sleeping with several partners would be sinful, but in her case perhaps it was okay. Soooooo many things wrong with that sentence... And what about the good old 'Let me help you help yourself!' I'm pretty sure I have also said 'If only you were more like me'. CRINGE!

I told you previously that I don't say enough, that I live in the world of PC? Well, that is true for the most part... but that 5% occasionally comes out where I say something when perhaps I should have stayed quiet. I'm one of those people that likes to be real in the world, but sometimes for many true and fair reasons, people prefer me not to be.  I forget that everyone in the world doesn't see it with the same Lauren tinted glasses.In my family if you have a problem, you deal with it by going to the source of the problem and going from there. But not everyone wants that to happen.

There have also been many occasions when I have wanted to speak care, love, support and compassion into a situation...but have read it all wrong when the receiving party never wanted to hear those words in the first place. Or perhaps hearing those words are harder than anything else. It's like the most loving, tender and caring thing I can think of to say is the very thing that grates away at their soul, highlighting the pain and fear that lies beneath, rather than the old sweep it under the rug trick. I wish I had Wendy's knack for speaking the truth with love and compassion. I feel like I am always muffing it up.

So sometimes it's hard to be me. Because, as I'm sure many of you can bear witness, I wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see. And when you ask me how I am, you'd better be ready for the answer - I'm about to tell you exactly how I feel. A few friends have thought this blog is brave and courageous, with this content being so true to me and who I am. Let me tell you - it's better I write it here in a more broad sense than offend yet another poor soul in my life.

But surely there are times when it is okay, even important to be honest? To be brave enough to put a voice to the very raw emotions and confusing thoughts running around in my head. To let people know, even if its too hard to hear right now, that they are loved beyond belief?

Because what if we don't say anything and the ONLY opportunity you will ever have just swung by without action, and you are now left regretful for the rest of your life. What is worse? Your regret or the awkward moment created by raw emotion? I don't know. Sometimes, I am willing to take the hit and will sit with regret on my shoulders for years to come. But other times I will not let it lie. I will take the chance and say what I need to, to sleep better at night and to know that even though it too may have come like a punch in the throat, I hope you see through my abrasiveness and boldness, and sometimes perhaps inappropriateness, to know that deep love is the source of such an intrusion.

But today, it is simply too hard to keep quiet. So I will say it here instead. I hope you know who you are....and that this comes from the very bottom of my heart, a heart filled with love for you.

I want to be able to speak honestly with you. To tell you how scared I am right now of what the future has to bring. To tell you that your peace and acceptance are an inspiration to me. To say that I love you and will miss you terribly should you ever leave. To say that I am a better person for knowing you, and that everyday I am thankful for you in my life. To make sure you know that you have taught me much about living a full, fun and adventurous life, enjoying all the seconds of every day as much as you possibly can. That our tears and laughs will never be forgotten and that I hope we have many more to come. And that I hope you can understand that I can't pretend it's not the case anymore, even though I so wish it was, with every bone in my body.

Ciao for now,
LG, Life's Good!

Your Inheritence (should you choose to accept it)

The Family Heirloom

As Lucy was finally born in a text book fashion at 5:06pm on Saturday 23rd April last year, I lay there in shock at the fact that it was finished. Our long awaited baby had finally arrived...and I was thankfully and amazingly in one piece! Marvellous! After briefly saying hello on my chest, she was whisked away to the trolley for a quick check over (all was well), then wrapped up and handed to Greg. It was the sweetest moment, him staring at our brand new daughter with amazement and awe, me staring at both of them with love and wonder (and also in a slight state of shock, repeatedly saying "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my GOD! Oh my God!") and Lucy just lying there quietly in Greg's arms. It was only when the doctor suggested gently "perhaps the mother would like a cuddle?" after a fair few moments that Greg and I snapped out of it and he looked up at me realising he was standing on the other side of the room, and brought her closer. And as we leaned in to examine her, we were delighted to see that she indeed belonged to us....such a likeness to her father you would rarely find!

But when you have a child you pass on so much more than just your devastatingly good looks. I was considering this on Australia Day just gone as Mum, Lucy and I packed a picnic and headed to the Cotter for lunch, an old family favourite. I grew up going for lunch picnics there quite regularly, and loved it so it is now special to me too. I bet it will also be for Lucy. And, like my Mum, I also love camping, driving (just for fun), listening to music, discussing love and life and appreciating a good show. Like my Dad, I enjoy travelling, discussing matters of the heart and generally all things Lucy. And in turn I am sure that Lucy will grow up loving picnics at the Cotter, music, real conversations, driving and other loves that Greg and I will pass to her and encourage in her, as well as her own interests too.

Along with interests, you also inherit fears, limitations, health issues and biases that have been passed to our parents and our grandparents for many decades gone past. Some families find it hard to accept foreigners. Some families find it hard to speak up. Some families find it hard to stay quite. Some families are highly anxious. Some families are judgemental. Some families are hardworking, some are not.

A conversation with a good friend prompted my thoughts on this matter - if I can encourage Lucy's interests, talents and love for certain things, perhaps I can also do the opposite...perhaps I can equally encourage her in a negative fashion to be fearful of the wrong things. To be scared of trying new things. To be ignorant of important issues. To judge others too quickly. I don't want any of these things for her but how can I stop it from happening?

Embrace the person I prefer in myself, and try to limit these poor choices and behaviours myself. Now I know none of us are perfect - but perhaps if I can just focus on who I hope to be, she will find the attributes I want to bestow in her.


Strength. Courage. Love. Compassion. Faith. Confidence. Understanding. Loyalty. Honesty. Trustworthiness. Reliability.

What do you want to pass on to your children? And what would you prefer they didn't acquire?

As long as Lucy knows every single day of her life how loved she is, I think we have done alright. xoxo

Ciao for now, 

LG, Life's Good

The Ankle Injury via Possum Plague!

Can You Turn The Siren On? 

It was back in the days of my training career, when I worked in a 2 story building. It was being renovated so there were tradesmen everywhere. Each day I give the main-man a friendly hello and have a brief chat with him about the weather. He was a lovely 40-something yr old italian man who always had time to stop and say hello. I liked him. His crew were a lovely group of polite young men, flexing their muscles as they saw fit (girls that is, fit girls) and laughing raucously from time to time. I felt they were becoming part of the furniture they had been around for about 5 weeks and counting.

It was at this same time that the passel of possums moved in (you know, gaggle of geese, an army of catterpillars, a tower of giraffes etc etc). In one week alone, the pest man came three times to remove the possums from our roof. But much to our disgust they just kept coming back and the building began to reek of possum pee...you couldn't escape it! Talk about shitty work conditions! It must be said that I had my suspicions about the pest man...what if he was planting the possums back into our building each time, god knows he was making a motza out of the situation.

After the Easter long weekend, we all came back to work; staff, tradies, training participants, possums. The pest man kept coming, and the smell of possum pee became worse and worse. So bad that the smell began to taken on a life of it's own. We had staff go home sick from the smell. It was truly the most awful smell I have ever been witness too - and I know some very stinky boys (you know who you are Farty Bum McSmell)!

The smell had morphed over a week or so from possum pee into decaying flesh. Yes folks, sadly one of those poor little possums had carked it in our roof. The pest man came one last time (well, we hoped it would be the last) to locate the body and remove it. Only, he couldn't find it. What's worse than the smell of dead possum? The smell the following day, and the day after that! Finally after much frustration on our part, he located the dead little possum and removed it. Cans and cans of Glen20 were used to try and wipe the smell away. You honestly felt like vomiting when you walked in the door. And yet, the smell lingered. Surely when you remove the source it should fade? Ooops! Oh my, what's this!? ANOTHER DEAD POSSUM!!!? A mass suicide had occurred in the building.

So after a month of this ridiculous situation my favourite work buddy and I had just enjoyed a coffee (gossip) in the fresh air downstairs. We did this every day when we were both on site. Between teaching classes, writing up briefs, filling in paperwork, attending meetings and marking assignments, we relished our coffee opportunities. As we walked up the stairs together, both accustomed by this stage to the stench we were forced to work in, my mate the main-man tradie boss stated from the top of the stairs 'there is another dead possum up here in the roof'. If only I had shut up and let my coworker deal with the situation. If only I wasn't so chummy with the main-man. If only I wasn't feeling helpful that day. 'Oh no!' I say. 'I'll get Rob to call the pest man again'. And I turned at the landing halfway up, and took a fateful step without paying any attention.

Have you ever tripped in front of a stranger? Perhaps falling to the ground in front of a friend? It's embarrassing, isn't it? Hands up those of us who fell down a FLIGHT OF STAIRS in front of close friend, and five tradesmen? No? Just me. Oh. :(

The tradesmen did their best to hide their laughs. My friend didn't (bloody smart arse!) and we still laugh about it today. It's okay, she was also very concerned for me. She ran down the stairs (gracefully) and took one look at my foot and recoiled. I couldn't look - I was sure it was pointing the wrong way. She ran to the kitchen to grab some ice, and on the way got Rob to call the ambulance, as well as the pest man. She returned with a bag of ice, the same as what you might buy at a service station and leant it up against my leg. I looked at her and laughed. Helpful much!? Dickhead.

The ambulance came, two lovely ladies. Much to my delight they gave me the green whistle, just like on Bondi Rescue. In fact, when my buddy suggested she call Greg while I was on my way to the hospital, I made her promise to tell him that. And because she felt bad for laughing, she honoured her promise. 'Hi Greg, it's Nicky from Lauren's work. Listen, she fell down the stair and is in an ambulance. She is okay, but might have a broken foot. Oh and she wants you to know that they gave her the green whistle just like on Bondi Rescue.' LOL!

My paramedics wouldn't turn the siren on and I was so spaced out on my pain relief that I told them constantly how pretty they are. I gave my birthdate as 1993 instead of 1983 and when asked for my phone number, I gave them Greg's. Thankfully, nothing was broken but swelling in the bone and severely stretched ligaments meant crutches for 8 weeks. What a bitch that was!

Check out my wicked bruise sock - yeow!

This is why running is so exciting for me. Since this fateful day, I haven't been able to wear heels. I have twisted my ankle many a time simply whilst walking. But here I am, running (or doing the 70yr old shuffle)! I won't use it as an excuse any longer.

I didn't learn my lesson with possums though.... I thought I might try and feed one at the coast a few years ago...it BLOODY BIT ME! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Ciao for now,

LG, Life's Good!

Why The Belly Laugh?

What's worth waiting for?

You know that person in your life that pretends to hear you, but obviously didn't when they answer 'haha, yeah...' to the question 'what time have you got that appointment tomorrow'? That is me. I was reflecting of this the other day to one of my best friends and she laughed along with me - admitting that she too had noticed this tendency. Oops! I find I am surrounded by people at work and sometimes at home who make the assumptions that I know alot more than I actually do. Whether it be about global issues, current affairs, policy changes, or tennis rules I often feel that I am in over my head. So when people make some intelligent comment like 'oh yes, I was very amused to see that they had changed the policy on blah' with a laugh all over their face, instead of asking them why that would be amusing, I most commonly will reply with 'haha, yeah...'.

Sometimes because I am pretending to be amused by something I actually don't understand, and other times because it is only funny and not hilarious, I laugh with my moderate laugh. It's a reasonable laugh - but certainly not anything special. Then there is the laughing that has me wheezing in tears (and then embarrassment) because it is simply too funny. This joke always gets me crying with laughter:

Two cows are in a paddock. First cow says to the other 'Hey mate, I am really worried about this mad cow disease, are you?' The startled second cow replies 'Why would I care?? I'm a helicopter!'

I just can't get past the fact that the cow thinks he is a helicopter!!! A helicopter! Not a horse, or even a person. A helicopter. LOL! Priceless!

Anyway, I'm off the point. Look, even this laugh isn't the belly laugh, it's more of a hysterical giggle. But the belly laugh, man that is what I look forward to. It's unexpected. It's often from shock. And it is so satisfying when it happens that I am just waiting for the next time. I love it!

The other day when my best friends baby abruptly did something absolutely hilarious and I belted out a good belly laugh, loud and clear, with complete abandon. And I realised how rarely we laugh with such an uncontrollable force that it simply cannot be contained.

Hence I called the blog waiting for the belly laugh. For me, finding Lauren is finding more belly laughs. Less limits, more complete abandon. More understanding of things I don't complete get. And for goodness sake, learning to simply say, I'm sorry - I don't get it. Can you please explain it to me?

  

(with one of my besties, Ali)

A helicopter!!! 

Ciao for now, 

LG, Life's Good!

The Subconscious Slap

And when I click my fingers you will..........

I used to believe that hypnosis was of the DEVIL! Actually, during my more fundamental days, I used to think many things were of the devil......Santa Clause - also known in some circles to be Satan Clause via a nifty little anagram, sleeping with anyone who wasn't your lifelong partner (and really, if they were that serious about you surely you should be married?), and certainly homosexuality (I actually believed people chose to be gay, and by doing so were choosing to sin knowingly everyday). OKAY WAIT - DON'T HANG UP! I promise you I have grown up, matured and now believe the complete opposites in these three cases. I genuinely can't believe that loving another person (regardless of who they are) is a sin, and I know it was naive to consider it a personal choice when in my adjusted opinion, it is the beautiful, perfect person you were always suppose to be. The no sex before marriage was soon forgotten, and my judgement of others along with it. As for Santa, well that was simply ridiculous. I wonder if you have always been as wise as you are today, or perhaps if you too had embarrassing ideals and past fundamentalism you'd like to admit to? Comment away.

So when I learnt that several people very dear to my heart had seen a hypnotist for lifestyle reasons, namely to give up smoking, I was interested to hear more about it. Apparently, it isn't a magical answer to all of life's problems, but it does suggest more desirable ideals and values and habits to your subconscious mind that enables your conscious mind to make the choices you want.

An overweight person is overweight in most circumstances due to their lifestyle....poor food choices and lack of exercise. They continually try and most often fail at losing weight, only getting bigger as the years go on. Why, when they try so hard? Because in most case, they don't actually believe they will ever achieve their dreams, their subconscious is constantly reminding them of previous behaviours which have led to the current situation.

For example: Driving past Maccas, suddenly you are thinking of a Cheeseburger! Yummo (or gross, depending of your outlook). Why think this when you aren't even hungry? Because you have done this many times before. How to change behaviour? Simply say no. I don't want that for my life anymore. Consciously, you are telling yourself no. Subconsciously, you are saying to yourself 'whatever dickhead! I know you think you are saying no, but once we get home you are going to eat everything in the pantry, so we might as well just swing in to get a snack and save the food at home for later. You're a fatty, just admit it, eat your snack and lets get on with our day.' So with all your might not to, you still swing into the drivethru and instead of ordering a single cheeseburger, you go the full hog, because subconsciously, you have given yourself an uppercut. 'Stop trying to be someone you aren't! Hurry up and order everything in the shop!' I know the struggle well.

So when I learnt that breaking that cycle via hypnosis would make my conscious decisions easier to stick with, I jumped onto it immediately! I genuinely want to be fit and healthy. There is no part of me that actually wants to be overweight, sloth like and slow. Subconsciously, I just can't actually remember a time that I wasn't.

It has been an interesting journey. I still have to do all the hard work. I still have to make the right choices for my healthier body. I still have to choose to make time each day to be active and connect with my body. Oh, I have all the excuses in the world, after all I'm a mother. I've the housework, the baby, the blog, the cooking, and the mundane admin tasks that go along with running a household. Don't forget that it is important to socialise the child, so I simply must attend coffee dates, brunches, lunches, and mothers groups. But I actually want to get out, leave the house, enjoy the fresh air, and jog past the old sleaze in the park (dirty old man!). So I do.

So, check your preconceived ideas...what are they based on and are they an accurate assessment? Is it co-sleeping with your child after swearing beforehand that you wouldn't? Maybe its challenging beliefs you were given by someone else, that you assumed were correct out of trust? Maybe its speaking up for yourself, realising that the worst thing that happens isn't nearly as bad as you had imagined. I wonder how many other things that I previously thought were 'evil', that may possibly help me along my journey if I drop the blinkers and take a closer look?

Find joy in living your life however you want to - don't let old habits and preconceived ideas get in your way.

Ciao for now,
LG, Life's Good!