Me: Sweetheart, your parents know we have sex - they understand where Lucy came from.
I used to be embarrassed at the thought of people having sex with each other, like I was a pervert for acknowledging it. I remember the first time I put two and two together. I would have been maybe 9 or 10, and Danielle (the girl down the road) had a new baby sister. It wasn't long ago that Mum had read me a little interesting book about swimming fish and eggs and a chubby man and woman who looked happy lying next to each other in a bed, so I was all clued up on 'Where Did I Come From'. And there it (she, Tahnee, Danielle's baby sister) was in front of me. A baby. The product of the very process I had recently been educated in. Huh! I looked from Danielle's mum to her dad, and promptly screwed up my nose, pursed my lips in the most unattractive fashion (but who is trying to be fashionable at 9?) and shook my head to try and erase the unwelcome and intrusive image of them happily lying next to each other in bed. I knew that it mean that he put THAT in THERE and then the swimming fish and egg mixed together and somehow that made a baby and put a smile on their faces. And I was mortified.
Obviously, my parents thought it important we knew the business from early on. Which brings to light a question Greg and I have discussed several times over the years...how early should you tell your kids about all things body related? What will you call the girly parts and the manly parts? As we only have Lucy so far, we have only discussed the lady names of which there are so many eligible choices: hoohoo, china, cha cha, fanola, vajayjay, mimi, box and so many more! It cracks me up that people struggle to simply say vagina to their kids. Like saying it will miraculously turn you into a hippyish, sensual being who is a Sex Therapist by day and a nude model by night. Come on everyone, lets all say it together: Va Gi Na! Vagina. Vagina!
Who's cringing? I'm laughing at my computer, I know you hate the word. It gives me all the more joy to yell it from the rooftops. VAGINA! PENIS!
I felt embarrassed by the thought of sex as a teenager as I considered other couples around me and what people were whispering about at school. There was the girl in the year above me call The Cheese-grater, because her big teeth always got in the way when giving headjobs. She did what!? I didn't know who I felt more sorry for - her being talked about in such a way, or the poor guy she was grating away at. Who's feeling sexy!? Not me.
I suppose your comfort levels as an adult depend A LOT on what you were exposed as a child and teenager, what was okay to talk about etc. From an early age, I always knew the correct names for my private parts and those on the boys. Once mum read me The Book, I knew what sex was, how babies eventuated and even though I was initially disgusted that my parents (and your parents) did THAT, at least I knew how it worked. I love my parents for being open about such a tricky topic, as I felt prepared in the big wide world. Unlike the girl in Greg's yr 12 science class who asked "does the baby come out covered in poo?" because she honestly didn't realise the baby came out the vagina (hehe, there it is again), and thought women gave birth through their arses! HA! Poor girl. I mean sure, it might feel like that, but it isn't the case.
In my non-profession opinion, I do think that peoples attitude towards sex with their partners is often a reflection of how they grew up. I certainly know people who have spent time in a fundamentalist church that focused strongly on convincing the teenagers that sex before marriage was wrong/evil/dirty. So much so that they didn't realise they were also laying down long term values that depicted sex in a negative light, which would affect those poor teens quite seriously later in life when establishing (or not) a sex life with their husbands/wives. And lets not even get into those who have been horribly abused and end up with serious issues to deal with. Not even going to go there.
And then it moved from being embarrassed thinking about others doing it, to being embarrassed that others might realise I was doing 'it'. Now, there is a mortifying story about a time when .... dammit! I can't tell you anymore, as I have made a promise to Greg not to discuss our bedroom (lounge room/shed/your house/etc) activities with you. In addition, my parents also read my blogs, so you know... Oh and hi Nana! ;) All you need to know is there was a time when someone close to us knew exactly what we were up to, much to my disgrace.
But that lesson in discretion and awareness taught me something very valuable. I became okay with the fact that people knew I had/have sex. In fact, good! I want you to know that I am okay with you knowing that. It's not a dirty little secret. It's healthy, and awesome for your relationship. And if you aren't in a relationship, stuff it - enjoy yourself anyway! Figure out what you will teach your future buddy. Why not!?
Because surely it is better to be educated than not? Do you want to be the one with a great sex life, or the one scared of it? There is no secret sex. People know you are doing it. It actually isn't anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It's something to be proud of. Something to invest time into. If it isn't working for you, figure out the problem and try and fix it. You will be pleased with the results.
As long as the problem isn't that you have a dud partner....
Ciao for now,
LG - Life's Great!
No comments:
Post a Comment