The hearts I broke when I gave up alcohol...

I had an inkling that alcohol consumption was a key part of my social interactions...but only when I ditched it did I realise how regularly my social life included wine...

It was the second week of camping and the third week of Christmas holidays, and I hadn't had an alcohol free day in more than 18 days. Well, okay, I might say nights. 18 nights. Mostly the drinking happened in the night. Does that sound a little better? Probably not. It's the longest endurance activity I've even completed on alcohol, and to be clear, I hadn't intended it. 

Yet here I was, smashing G&T's every night, beer, wine, shot buckets, anything I could get my hands on. But not in huge amounts, just ever so regularly. And it raised a question for me...if I'm not drinking enough to feel the effects of it, why bother? If I wasn't specifically aiming to get drunk, why have any at all? Such an Australian binge drinker's attitude, right?

Well, before you become too concerned, Greg will tell you drinking isn't a problem for us. And it's not. Not really. We are routine weekend drinkers, consuming one or two beverages each Friday and Saturday night. Unless we're up for a good time, which can be either planned or completed out of the blue, and on those occasions, we can hit it HARD! One night, (and this was rare) we cracked a bottle of red which led to 3 bottles of red... we felt it the next day! More often, we enjoy it in relative moderation and only on weekends.

So in some ways I completed and wholeheartedly agree with him. Drinking is not a problem for us. 

But actually it kind of is for me... because alcohol actually physically hurts me most of the time I consume it. I don't mean in a hippy, earth mother kind of way, like it hurts my heart to not be nourishing my temple. I mean in an aching joints, inflammation and stiffness kind of way. The morning after alcohol has begun, over the past 5 or so years, to magically transform me into an 80 year old; unfit, sore and stiff. And despite the quantity of beverages consumed, this is my new constant. I'm also likely to be physically weary as it feels like my body just has to work so much harder to function the next day. 

Yes, I suppose you could call it a hangover, but it's really not like it used to be. Hangovers used to be punishing an excellent night's partying with hard results... vomitting, headaches, etc. Now, I just feel an endless oldness that is really unpleasant. 

But it's not just that geriatric physicality that prompted me to change my partying ways. There are so many other things at play here. Big things. Like my butt. My actual butt. 

It is the fact that I have spent the past LIFETIME trying to lose the extra weight I lug around endlessly, and in spite of myself and my efforts, I have not put a real dent in that goal for the past 6 years, and some of that relates to alcohol. 

In times I have focused on my health and deleted alcohol from my lifestyle, I have experienced real success in my body behaving as it should and i remember feeling amazing at those times. Not just good. AMAZING! I felt on top of the world, full of energy and ready to face the world everyday. So it kind of makes sense, yes? 

To be honest, it is something I've considered for at least three years off and on, and just haven't been ready to call it. Because it's a big step. My family drinks. My friends drink. Not huge amounts all the time, but it's part of our ethos as a group. To break the bread and share the wine... it's sacred and special and I have felt that I will be missing out on so much if I made this choice. 

But it just got to that point where I was wondering if I was poisoning myself for the sake of fitting in. I was taking my old ladies meds regularly, so I can sip from a wine glass and enjoy the moment. There's just something so disjointed about all of that. 

So when my sister mentioned she might give the alcohol free life a go, it was all I needed, the push and encouragement I had been subconsciously waiting for before taking the plummet myself. So I just jumped. Without thought, consideration, or hesitation. In the blink of an eye I changed my lifestyle decisions like a boss...or a complete follower, depending on your view I suppose. (It wasn't really in the blink of an eye, I'd been considering it for years). 

I was so ready that I ditched it before I finished the 12 little advent calendar gins I got from my sister for Christmas! Those 4 little bottles that glint and chink together each time I open the fridge remind me of how prepared I've been for this for such a long time, and how I just needed that little push into the other land of 'Alcohol Free'. 

So I committed. And announced my new plan to my friends and family via the only way how i know how to get the message out loud and clear...Facebook. 

And when the comments rolled in hard and fast, many supportive, several grieving, and a couple absolutely devastated for our lost shared love of wine, i understood why I had hesitated for so long.

If anything, it confirmed for me that alcohol has been such a pivotal part of many of my social patterns, for such a long period of time, that I'm not concerned people don't know how to interact with me, without wine. There's nothing quite like sharing a bottle, or sitting on the deck enjoying a beer that really locks you into a deep conversation. 

So much so that I've endeavoured to fill that gap by supplement my wine with wine...AF wine I'll have you know. Not As Fuck (the other AF) wine (sorry Nana), but Alcohol Free wine. I've also purchased some AF beer, Gin and who knows what else I threw in my online trolley. There are so many options out there, I'm excited to try them. 

Because I won't have that awkwardness of them drinking wine and me holding nothing. I don't yearn for alcohol, and I'm not missing it too much at this point (it's been a whole 16 days now - lol) but I miss the sitting around sipping something. 

It's been a tough one to announce as well, as some of my friends feel as though they are now unable to enjoy drinking around me, and I hope they come to understand I'm not giving this up due to addiction, it's to feel better, and explore how life looks without it. Please, continue to drink with me, I'll just sip from another bottle. 

I'm even more excited to prove to my grieving friends that I come the same: awesome and bringing my 'A-game' every time. I don't need alcohol for that, and it's not alcohol that shows up when I do. It's me. My most authentic version. 

Dry your eyes and mark me - I will cast away any and all inhibitions that I may carry when sober to bring my absolute best to all situations I arrive at without alcohol. I will be bold, unafraid and confident as hell anyway. Because, that's just who I am anyway.

And lastly, I set you the challenge. To make your own decisions and be comfortable to drink with me, anyway. Because my decision doesn't need to impact on your choices or fun, and I certainly won't be judging anyone. So your job is to just show up too. 

"So I hope I learn to get over myself, stop trying to be somebody else..." Adele

Ciao for now, 

LG - Life's good! 

#idrinkwine #alcoholfreebaby #lifestylechanges #staywithme #Agame