Have you ever spread someone elses secret ever after they have asked you not to? Did you promise them and pinky swear that you wouldn't, but you still did simply because it was too juicy/funny/rude/sad not to share?! What would be the consequence of telling their stories? Honestly, what is the worst that could happen? Your reputation as a secret keeper destroyed? An end of a friendship? Well, yes those things are quite terrible, expecially the losing a friend over the matter. But what if the secret was that good, that you just couldn't keep it to yourself??
Well, I have so many juicy stories to tell you! So many things I desperately want to blog about. These stories are of violence, passion, of highly emotional situations, of people at their weakest moments, of love and hearts broken by those we can't talk about anymore, and of anger and hurt at moments in the past that have caused significant impact on the present day. Of grief indescribable (well, I could certainly try my best as a blogger who prides herself on emotive writing) and of frustrations too close to home. Of loneliness you shouldn't feel and of intollerances that you haven't shared. Of embarrassing moments you shouldn't share!
Hehehe, I have an image in my head of some of my friends and family thinking of all the embarrassing stories that have happened in the last little while and are reading this part thinking no no no no no no NO NO NOOOOOOOOO! Because you think I am about to tell you HILARIOUSLY MORTIFYING story in my blog tonight. Well, you're right, but I have changed names so they won't know who it is! "HELLO MAMA!"
Hehehe, just kidding! ;)
These stories aren't stories that others have told me. They happened to me. I am the first party in each and every one of these little indulgences. But they also involve other people. Every story I want to share with you that sits within the 'sealed section' of my blogging heart is extremely personal to me, and to at least one other person involved. Do you see my dillema?
I have been very careful throughout this blog to keep it relatively generic, to make generalised sweeping statements about issues and topics, rather than talk about individual people, unless it is a positive message. I have taken great care to save as drafts never to be published those blogs that I feel may effect others detrimentally. I haven't slagged off anyone in my blogs.....I have really wanted to at times. I am aware that my take on a situation is only my perspective, and it may appear different to the other person/s. So I have been careful not to indulge in this type of writing.
So I am thinking perhaps I should write a book instead, as an annonymous author so I could regall you all about the time when blah blah blah happened and then I was thrown against a wall and then so and so took to me to whathernames house and etc etc etc. Because these are the stories that I truly believe need to be out there. Stories of real things that happen to real people. People like ME!
Of passionate (and maybe even hilarious!) love scenes (cue Greg's moan of fear and mortification: "Lauren!"), and marital issues (cue Greg's embarrassment at people thinking that we might have issues to deal with). Or family breakups and the fall out that lasts longer than the years you'd assume it should. Of heartbreaks and self destruction as a result of a moment in time. Of caring too much about what one person thought that it formed/influenced my way of thinking even to this day. Of getting along with your inlaws, and the moments that you take the wrong way. Or of being present when the tiniest of loved one passes away and how that moment in time changed forever what you thought you believed.......and now perhaps don't. And of a family who cannot take anymore pain and stress, yet deal with it everyday with amazing strength and grace.
It doesn't stop there. For as open and honest as I have always been on this blog, I have so much more I want to share with you. And I simple don't know how to go about writing that stuff without offending/upsetting/losing friends and family.
Aaaaaaaaah! (pulling out hair!)
One day I will figure out how to truly write from the deepest shackles of my heart, because I believe those are the stories that need reading. They are the stories you yourself will have hidden away too, and freedom will be achieved by breaking the silence......even if it is in the form of an anonymous book!
I'm sure it is the case already that friends and family read through my blogs and attribute the message to themselves. In fact, on several different occasions I have had people ask me if a blog about their situation? And in almost every case, it wasn't. But it reached them on some level and made complete sense and obviously it could have been them. Which brought comfort to me, because in return for bearing my soul on this page, I get an insight into other's lives and an understanding that I am not alone either, in the way that I feel, think or view situations.
On a side note - today I celebrate publishing FIFTY BLOGS since I began this blog in January! And as a gift (threat) to my loyal readers and to my emotional health, I have decided to commit to publishing a weekly blog each Friday morning. So I hope you will hang in there and enjoy what is to come from the mind of Lauren and the ever present search for health, fitness, happiness and contentment in life. I thank you for following the journey so far. And don't think I haven't taken note of your higher interest in the blogs that appear sexier than the others (like 'a pleasurable night in...alone' and 'secret sex) and your interest in matters close to my heart (like 'Dear Stacey...Love from Lauren' and 'A Truly Astonishing Week' Parts1,2 &3!) and will endeavour to spice up my writing a little more for you when the time is right. ;)
Your blogger's heart walks around outside her body these days, in the form of toddler steps.
Ciao for now,
LG - Life's GREAT!
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