Who's this Lauren?: My Sliding Doors Moment.......

How do you see your future...?

I have never doubted in my mind that I would grow up, get married to a wonderful man, and have children. I never dreamt of city lights or whirlwind romance or fancy dates or expensive hotels. What I dreamt of was lazy Sunday mornings in the burbs, kicking a ball around on the over at the local park, and having BBQ's at our house with friends. I dreamt I'd be content. And I am.

There is so much out there at the moment that people buy into regarding the power of the mind. I agree to some degree. I certainly believe that the power of the mind can help you body heal quicker or sustain you for longer periods of time. I believe the way we see ourselves and our expectations of our own journey definitely impact on our end result. But I don't believe it's the be all and end all, the only influencing factor in our lifes. Obviously circumstances and experience have a great to do with shaping a persons perspective.

Somehow growing up, I didn't even envision myself as a healthy, sporty, active person. Clearly I forgot to add the into my dreams. I considered myself a drama and music girl, and not the sporty type, and convinced myself over my highschool years that I wasn't an active type of person. That I could only fit into one catagory and not both. It never dawned on my that I was imagining myself as overweight even in my 20s and 30s.

Which is not what I am to be. I have talked before about how I sought the assistance of hypnosis to help me amend this slight in my own minds eye. I have seen hypnosis work wonders for reformed smokers in my family and it occurred to me that it may just help me to. I wasn't looking for a magical answer to weight loss, I am certainly happy to put in the hard yards myself with my Michelle Bridges program. I just wanted to stop the constant battle in my mind about food and obsessing over it.

For those out there who don't understand this mentality, thats fine - you have probably never strayed outside of your healthy weight range because your mind is already on the right track. But for those of us who are carrying too much, you may know these thoughts well....

So, I've just eaten breakfast. What else is there? Mmmm! Raisin Toast, yes might have some of that too - I love raisin toast. Yummo! Better make a coffee to go with that, two sugars please. Yummo, those four pieces of raisin toast were DELICIOUS! That sugar has given me a taste for the sweets, what else is in the fridge? Ooooh! I might make a milo. 3 spoons and 2 extra for good luck. Yummo. Phew, I buggered. Might need to sit down for a bit and watch some TV. (TV turns on). Bored now. I wonder what I will have for lunch? Shit! There is nothing in the pantry/fridge that even appeals to me. Let me run through all the possibilities.......tuna. No. Ham, yes I'll have some now, but not for lunch. Bread? No. Salad. NO! Maybe I should go out and get something.

And so begins thought process of all the options I could possibly choose in town, then in Manuka, Kingston, Civic and maybe in Erindale or Belconnen! An obsession that consumes some people day in, day out. When will I eat next? What will it be? Anyone would think I've been living in a third world country.

I haven't updated you on my weight loss results from the Michelle Bridges round 2 program that finished at the end of August....I am thrilled to announce I lost 10 kgs in 12 weeks! Pat on the back to me. And then I put on two. It has been a tough month, but no excuse. So I returned to visit my hypnosis man, and we had an awesome chat that started with 'So Lauren, why have you come back to see me this time', and I replied with 'waaa waa waa waa waa'. That's how I sound why I cry, if you didn't realise.

We talked a fair bit about old habits sneaking back in. Because, as you know when you give up the darts, you no longer have them. But when you try and change a life times worth of habits regarding food, sometimes you need a little readjustment to your perspective. I had been feeling like I was pushing it all up hill, that there was no point to continue on, that I was a hopeless case. So we talked and talked and he helped me discover a really useful method of visualisation.

He asked me to imagine this time next year. September 2013. And if I changed nothing about my life and continued on this current path what did I see. I saw myself at least 10kg heavier. I saw depression, defeat, dissapointment. I was guilty. I hated myself for having lived another year in this cycle of destruction. I saw Lucy overweight too. I cried. I saw no hope for another child. He asked me to imagine further into the future, 5 years. September 2017. More depression, despair, great disappointment. Fatter than ever. Lazy. He asked me to look at myself in the mirror and tell him what I saw. I saw the saddest Lauren I have ever seen (imagined!). He asked me to move further into the future - 10 years. I saw a lady who aged so much more than the years that had passed. I saw me uncomfortable in my body. Resigned to a life of half arsed attemps, yo yo dieting and watching on while everyone else had fun. A sad lady who had wasted her 30s away.

And then we changed tactics. He asked me to tell him about the Lauren in September 2013 who did put changes in place. How does this girl look? Well, I was within my healthy weight range. I was smiling, my eyes were happy. My house was clean. I felt in control, organised. Proud. So proud. And intelligent, for chosing the direction I wanted in life. Five years? I had several children. I was active, all this business with an unhealthy relationship with food was behind me. It was no longer the endless struggle. It was forgotten. I started the day with time to myself before I had to become the mum, the colleague, the wife, the friend, the sister. Ten years ahead showed me planning an epic 40th birthday celebration. I looked youthful and attractive. I looked like I laughed alot and enjoyed my life. I was a good role model for my children.

Seems simple. Definitely simple, not necessarily easy. So using this info, he hypnotised me again and talked me through these two roads. The former road, of eating poorly, eating too much and eating for boredom instead of hunger resulted in an untidy me. My clothes didn't fit properly. My house and car were a mess. I looked greasy all the time, with a pizza face of pimples and everything felt like it was brown, white and orange. Darker. Like I hadn't opened the curtains and we constantly living without natural light. But this road was an easy downward slope - I could simple just keep rolling down it, getting sadder and sadder as I went. I honestly felt oppressed (still do now) when I think of that road.

The latter road was a rocky, hilly road of pot holes and speed bumps. It was the harder road for sure. But as I stood at the fork in the road and looked left to the drab darkness of old habits, then turned to look at the right side of the road going up this hill, all I could see in comparison was beautiful springtime colours. Blue skies, everything looked like it was in HD! The fresh green leaves in bud, vibrant colours everywhere. I could see it was the place I wanted to be. Everything had a place on this road. I felt organised and in control. I felt strong and capable, confident and attractive. It is the place I exist in now.

I suppose the reason that I wanted to share this with you today was that if you have something you aren't happy with in your life, maybe you should do the same exercise. Actually write down what your life will look like in 1, 5 and 10 years time if you keep going as you are, and then how it might look if you put some changes in place.

Hypnosis isn't a magic answer for me. I still need my will power, I need to make the right decisions that allow me to stay on the up road. I need to exercise to release all the weight I'm not going to carry anymore. Hypnosis won't do that for me. But I can say for the past couple of days since I saw him, I have felt more in control of my life than I have in 2 months. And let me tell you, that is a good feeling.

Do you remember when I wakeboarded?
http://waitingforthebellylaugh.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/truly-astonishing-week-part-2steve.html
I remember this feeling of endless determination, that I would achieve my goal of getting up that day, and it didn't matter how long it would take me. And that feeling of complete elation when I did get up - after ages of trying. That is how determined I am to release all this weight that simply doesn't need to be cramping my style anymore. I am just going to kick picking myself up as I get closer and closer to achieving my goals, and at each time I need to regroup I will celebrate how far I have come, and then begin again. It isn't an endless struggle for me. There is an end date. And I will reach it sooner than I realise.