Blood Runs Thicker Than Water... Or Does It?

Who is in your tribe?

The Great Big Pa Father. Sounds like some kind of warrior name, doesn't it? Perhaps a mythical, magical beast of epic proportions. Perhaps even a name for the big guy up in the sky? Well, it's none of those things. It's my Grandpa. When Ben met him (my cousins son, aged 2) met him, they explained that Grandpa was his great grandfather, Ben declared him to be the Great Big Pa Father, and it has stuck ever since. I suppose in a way, he is the Booth tribal leader. The Great Big Pa Father (GBPF) lives on the central coast, so we don't get to see him often but my dad brought him down to QBN for a week and it was such a wonderful time! It got me thinking of how important family is, but also I wondered why.

Does it strike anyone else as strange that you are to automatically be devoted and loyal to a group of people because you have something in common with them, whether it be a health history or a name. That somehow, knowing that you come from the same bloodline makes you connected in more than just the physical sense? That because you share a common ancestor you are now assigned to a group of people for the rest of your life? Or in the case of adoption, is it simply the power of the same name?

Society tells us to be loyal to our family members above and beyond anyone else, that blood runs thicker than water. But here I am pondering if they deserve such loyalties from me. Have they always given me the same loyalty in return? Have they always loved, supported and cared for me throughout my life? And have they done this is any way that is different from my close friends, who I consider to be as good as family?

And what happens if you don't actually like your family members? Must you still be loyal if they are actually a bunch of tosses? Should you still love them and continue to be there for them, even if they abuse you, mentally, emotionally or physically?

I can be quite harsh and my perspective often swings into a black and white mode. I have 'broken up' with friends previously because I found them to be a negative force in my life. In my opinion, life is already hard enough without surrounding yourself with people who bring you down. So I moved on and left them behind. It wasn't a matter of a grudge, or forgiveness, simply that I could no longer be around them without being affected negatively by them. Probably one of the more selfish things I have ever done, but I felt like I already have to deal with enough BS without their dramas too. I have been lucky that I have never felt this way about a family member.... I'm not sure if that ultimate loyalty would prevail.

But haven't we all heard of the gay son being kicked out of home? And the racist parents disowning their daughter because she married an Pakistani man? And the child celebrity divorcing their parents so they can live however they wish? So this family loyalty can be switched off, at the right price?

I wonder what you price would be? Your husband cheating on you with your sister? Your mother using your name to obtain credit cards? Your father having another child with the girl he is dating, a girl younger than you? A family inheritance fight? Differing ways we deal with grief? A father running over his child in the driveway?

I recommend, perhaps controversially, to judge each and every person in your life based on their own merit, to ensure that you are being loyal to the right people. That the people you surround yourself with are a constant source of support and love to you, but make sure that you are offering this in return. Because like I said earlier, life is hard enough without your own tribe pulling you down.

Now I am blessed with a very close knit group of extremely compassionate, generous, loving, supportive friends who are worthy of my love and I would give them just as much loyalty as my own sister or brother. I also married into a wonderful family, whose love and acceptance I have been grateful for, and returned, since day one. I have their loyalty and they have mine.

Oh, and do I think that my own family have a little something special? Yes I do. I come from a wonderful tribe of talented, driven, happy, openly loving, supportive and insightful individuals. But I believe it is due to their own credit that they deserve all my respect, love and loyalty, not simply because we share genetics or a name. I am proud to belong to them, and proud to have them belong to me.

Here are some of my tribe last week, all getting together to say hi to the Great Big Pa Father. 

Lucy and I, my sis-in-law KJ, Dad (Lucy's Pa), my cousin Rose and her neice Olivia, my sister Jane, my cousin Vonnie (Olivia's mum), the Great Big Pa Father and my brother Mick, xoxox

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on this one, write a comment if a thought strikes you...and I also welcome any comments that argue a different perspective. 

Ciao for now,
LG, Life's Good!