I'd Never Trade Child Birth.....

A Woman's Great Fear

When my friend told me that giving birth to her first child was the most profoundly wonderful and empowering moment in her whole entire life, I laughed in her face, called her a sicko, and told her she was nuts. I had many friends who had given birth, I had heard the horror stories of pain like you have never experienced, babies with giant heads getting stuck and scars downstairs that never heal. Don't mention the possibility of doing a poo right there on the delivery table! That's right boys, it happens in most cases! I told her that only when my need for children overshadowed my fear of child birth, would I consider getting pregnant.

And then it happened. One day, I was late. And instead of the normal panic that I felt, a little bud of excitement was present. And when it turned out that my calculations were incorrect and Aunt Flo arrived the following evening, I cried (with both PMS and with disappointment). This is how I discovered I was finally ready!

But being ready, and realising at a later date that I was indeed pregnant, were two completely different feelings! I was over the moon excited, and slightly startled to think that now it (the baby) was in there, it definitely had to come out. Oh my! And so began the 9months of growing fear that most first time mothers feel... as that fateful day draws closer and closer.

3months before my big day arrived, my friend had her baby. I visited her the following day and she was still slightly shell shocked. But she told me that it was 'completely do-able', just that last part was tough. So I was encouraged. But that bravery left me as the day drew closer and closer and my pelvis became worse and worse. You see, I was unable to walk for the final 4months of my pregnancy, due to ligament, bone and alignment issues that were increasingly worse as time progressed. So in my mind, all I could envision was a tough labour, followed by emergency surgery because my body had literally split open and I needed to be sown back together. It was hard for me to imagine a positive experience.

But imagine my surprise when that is exactly what I got! I had been in chronic pain for some time due to my pelvis, so my threshold was already primed for intense pain. Greg and I were amused that between contractions, I was just the same old Lauren, but during contractions, I looked more and more like the ladies in the movies: groaning, throwing my head around, moving around trying to find a comfortable position.

When it was time to leave for the hospital, I was mortified to see our neighbours out the front of their house. I had been vomiting all morning, and between contractions I practically had to run down the stairs to make it before I either threw up or the next one started. Greg was amazing through the whole thing. He had two jobs - make sure I was drinking and going to the loo, and keep telling me what I great job I'm doing. He excelled at both!

I spent time in the bath at the hospital, which felt like heaven to me. Like a massive big heat pack had been placed all over my body! Aaaaah! And all of a sudden we were at the business end, things were extremely tough and then it was time to push. I had a funny moment when my midwife inspected me and said 'alright Lauren, this is going to happen very soon!', and just for clarification I said 'what is?'. She and Greg both looked at each other, slightly startled and she said in her kindest voice 'ah, you're going to have a baby Lauren, that's why you are in hospital!'. Thanks Captain Obvious! I know that! I just wanted to ensure she didn't mean okay, now you are going to get another contraction quite soon, or okay, you are going to have you baby quite soon, at least by midnight!!! (It was 4.30pm!) Low and behold, with some pushing, yelling, gas and effort, I did what I had spent the past 9 months worrying about.

And I did it all to the soundtrack of the girl in the next room, doing the same thing. She'd scream, I'd scream louder. She'd grunt, I'd grunt harder. She'd yell in frustration, I'd yell in fierce competition! And imagine my annoyance when I heard the cry of her tiny little person as they entered the world - and as I rode yet another hardcore contraction, hanging on for dear life. Finally with absolutely no restraint or control, I punched out our tiny person into the world with such force that the midwife had to throw her arm down on the bed to ensure the baby didn't slide right off the end and onto the floor! Oops!

It was, by far, the worst pain I have ever endured. I remember thinking in the bath that I felt sorry for our child, as they wouldn't have any siblings...surely I couldn't do this again! Was it hell? No, not for me. I got into my zone and focused and welcomed each contraction, knowing that it was one less I had to deal with. And Greg was amazing, staying calm and positive the whole time, believing in my capabilities.

Was it as bad as what they say? Probably. But would I do it again? In a heart beat. Because I would never trade that moment in time, knowing that I had just achieved the greatest thing I ever would. I had delivered our baby girl into the world, healthy, screaming and bright. I had done my job, my world was okay, and I could still walk. I love that day, more than any other day in my life. I cannot believe I could do such a thing and live to see the other side.

Would I want to punish my husband by sending him through the same if I could. No. I wouldn't trade that moment for the world. Not the kicking, the sleepless nights, the indigestion, the chronic pain, or the 4months of not walking. I would keep it all, to have that incredible moment to feel that I was the most powerful person I had ever met. To realised my potential as a woman at the most basic level.

  The most precious moments in the world

All the pain in the world couldn't take that away from me. Strong. Fierce. Capable. Focused. Amazing.

Ciao for now,

LG, Life's Good!