The Imperfect Person

Pick you battles!

I have long believed that I am mostly aware of my faults. Very rarely does it come as a surprise to me if I am criticised....I might even agree. What? I am pretty emotional. Correct. I talk to much at work. Correct. I eat too much. Correct. I judge others quite harshly. Correct. I am forgetful and vague. Correct. I expect a lot of others (perhaps too much) and am disappointed when I they don't meet my expectations. Correct. And there are many more.

But what happens when you aren't aware of your faults? Should they be brought to your attention? Not everyone can hear them as willingly as some, and others in fact can be quite hurt by accusations of imperfection. Does it actually help to point out a fault that you have noticed in someone else? What are they going to do about it? Stop being that person with those faults? Try to change? Perhaps they can alter their behaviours to fix your problem. Or perhaps it is simply who they are and nothing can be done.

So here is the real question.....is it actually fair to bring to light these imperfections you have found so carefully with your Inspector Gadget looking glass, brushing over a fine-toothed comb over their behaviour because it simply isn't meeting your standards and expectations? Is it rude perhaps? Or is it simply letting them a need hasn't been met in your relationship - whether it be your spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, child or friend. What happens when you tell them that you have identified a problem (and it's them!) and nothing changes. Why don't they change dammit!!?! Because they shouldn't have to? Maybe it is that they actually can't. 

We are so busy looking at everyone else's flaws and seeing all the reasons that they aren't holding up their side of the bargain that we waste precious time waiting for them to change the very person they are. And I am not talking about which way the toilet paper is hanging or if you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or bottom. And soon your eyes may fill with so much pent up frustration and anger that you no longer see anything else.

So should you continue in a relationship waiting for them to change and becoming more and more upset when they can't? Or should you stop the relationship then and there, deciding that if your needs can't be met and you can no longer see the good in them that its better to forget it completely?

I'm pretty sure there is a whole other option - what about the option to readjust your own perspective? How about realising that you will never find a perfect partner or friend. And that actually, they might be annoyed at your faults at times too. Have a think about it. Have they changed? In most circumstances, probably not. They are still the same person you found yourself liking in the first place. Its you that has changed. Suddenly you no longer see them as perfect. Damn shame that. Because just yesterday, weren't they the ants pants? What happened?

I'll tell you what happened. Movies, TV, Books (I'm looking at you self-help section) and our limited understanding of other relationships around us, thinking that our friends and family members have it all sorted. That somehow, suddenly, we are missing something very important. It's our society. We are all so focused on what we don't have (keeping up with the Joneses) that we can't be happy and satisfied with what we do have.

Surely you can't go into a relationship expecting someone to change for you. If they don't have the same ideals, values and goals as you do, you can expect them to morph into your image of them. You have two choices. Man up and choose to leave if you can't bear it any longer. Or accept them for who they always have been. I'm not saying to stay sweet and just shut up if you have a problem....I am saying that you have chosen this person for many reasons, keep them in mind too. And pick your battles. Don't let everyday become a drag when there is so much joy, fun and love to be found in each other.  

A friend once told me that you can't expect someone to change for you....but equally you can't expect them to stay the same for your whole life either.

God knows I've changed, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. But thankfully, I am still loved.

Ciao for now,
LG, Life's Good!