I fear spiders but I also pride myself on being a common sense girl, so I kill them when I need to. I have no compassion for them. I never capture and move them outside, because I am pretty sure they are out to get me and my family and they will only return with a gang of buddies in the future and claim our house for good! And fair enough too - we call Greg Spiderman because he was bitten by a redback at a friends house (another trip to the hospital) and a few months after was bitten again by a whitetail that had taken a free ride from the clothesline to the house inside one of his work socks. We are still waiting to discover his magical powers though. Perhaps it is the ability to remain unaffected by a variety of poisons?
I also have quite a fear of pain, developed over years of hurting myself (accidentally, am not confessing to self harm) through various activities.... mostly just walking! So the excuse of not wanting to be hurt comes up quite a bit in my head when I think of things I might like to do. I consider my fear of pain a minor fear in life, along with spiders, confrontation, and housework. But the thing that warrants my fear more than anything is losing my loved ones. I'm not afraid of being alone in life, simply afraid to not have them with me anymore. Does that make sense?
I pride myself on not worrying too much... I honestly can't be bothered. So when Greg packed up his dirt bike and headed off with his friends for the day I deliberately put him out of my mind. I had never been dirt biking but it sounded scary to me. Greg grew up on a farm riding bikes through paddocks chasing sheep, so I actually didn't have that much to be concerned about. He was well experienced. I knew they'd be gone for the day so I busied myself around our little flat and cooked up a lasagna to surprise him with his favourite meal upon his triumphant return. So when I heard his car roll up just after lunchtime, my only thoughts were that they must have had a breakdown or something else of the sorts. I certainly didn't expect to see him being escorted inside by his best mate, having already visited the hospital to be told that his collarbone was broken. My first reaction was to laugh at the irony of the situation, followed quickly by embarrassment of my laughing at poor husband and sympathy aplenty!
But still I try not to worry. What's the point? There are enough terrible things in the real world to deal with, without creating fake scenarios in my head out of fear. Deal with the hard stuff as it comes. For life is life and it will come. Even the charmed won't escape hardship at some point in time. Forget all the possibilities of what might happen and just focus on today. I try reversing my fears and turning them into hopes.... I hope to grow old with Greg. I hope Lucy grows to be a confident, healthy, intelligent and vibrant young woman.
I hope I can wakeboard next time I try!!! ;)
'I am now fit and healthy, living my life full of love, joy and abundance and I absolutely love life.' Lauren Granger (at least 30 times a day!)
Ciao for now,
LG, Life's Good!
Love your work, Baby.
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